Eqqus bi wheelera

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Have you ever felt the absolute helplessness when you are cruising on seemingly empty roads and you literally come in contact with a fellow ‘Biker’ trying to prove that all laws of physics are inconsequential?  I Have, and to help other bikers to better predict the hitherto unpredictable species, I have tried to classify them.

Why? – Simple, to better predict and save yourself from danger. While most might find this a piece in humor, there is definitely an underlying message and an effort to help in riding safely.

The classification (as the title suggests) refers to Eqqus (Horse – Power) bi ( two) wheelera (self-explanatory).

To me, there are the following types of bikers let loose the roads –

The Family Man

Invariably with the family in town. Two wheelers are meant to carry 2 people, a fact that these species have conveniently ignored. The father – riding, the mother on the pillion, the first born – wedged between the father and mother, another one on the petrol tank (wearing a dark glass) and a toddler nestling in the arms of the pillion rider… When i was younger, we would gather around the TV to watch the army perform stunts on the motorcycles by piling on the number of riders. I think, this has affected this species adversely and they have taken it upon themselves to emulate them.


As far as safety goes, this species generally do not post too much of a threat to other bikers, as they are busy balancing their act. Just to be on the safer side- stay away – far away from them.

Oh! The Pizza deliveries

I would like to take this opportunity to request a ban on the 30 minutes of free scheme on pizzas. Truly a death defying act by most members of this species, the bikes are often ill equipped to ride fast. Therefore the rider takes it upon himself to travel at a constant speed, even when there is no road or route available. These stuntmen of the biking world truly defy all laws of physics with little or no respect for other people on the road. In fact, I think that most of these bikes are modified such that they cannot travel in a straight line. The humongous box at the back surely does not help. Stop your bike and let this species go away if you ever encounter them.

 The college crowd

The favorite of all those who berate bikers, this species nowadays are found riding 200 – 250 cc engines with little or no involvement from the brakes. Mainly a very good exponent of how to show off on the 2 wheeler, the college kid almost always has a female of the species in town as pillion. Needless to say, sudden brakes and twists are in order for the obvious reasons. If you perchance, are on the same road as this species, you will in most probability be overtaken ( from the left , right – no one can predict) , it is in your own best interest that you continue riding in a straight line without accelerating or decelerating and making minimal changes to your current driving mode. And yes, pray a lot!

The chappal rider

I have mainly added this to encompass those bikers (here i use the term biker very loosely) who use the 2 wheeler as a transport vehicle. The main subsets of this species are the carpenters, cloth shop owners, provision store owners and other such fascinating people. They can be identified by 10 feet wooden poles tied to the chassis of a 4 feet long bike, resembling the jousting knights of Yore, or by large blue colour plastic bags strung on the saree guard and/ or the handle bar of the bike. Invariably, they will be wearing chappals to enable a better feel to change gears etc and hence the nomenclature of the chappal rider. If you encounter this species, pray that the pole does not impale you, be really careful when coming across this species at the traffic light..

I am sure, i have missed out a few favorites that other riders might have, it would be beneficial to other new riders to increase the range of this classification and help them to ride safely. And this post is the result of a frustrating ride, actually many frustrating rides in Mumbai on my bike. 

Your comments please!

Written by Deelux

Joshil says:

100% to the point… someone should teach them about safety…

Gen says:

Awesome Deelux!!!